Courage...Dissed...

maybe I'm just tired
but there are so many thoughts screaming through my brain
why do I do the things I do
why do I think the way I do
why am I bothered by the things people say
why does it matter
why do I care so much

switch gears
go faster
drive better
smile more
you're not going fast enough
you're not working hard enough
you're not praying enough
you're not..enough
enough

i sit and I ponder as these thoughts scream at me
I want them to stop screaming
I hate when people scream at me
It paralyzes me and I don't know how to react
so i just sit and ponder
in the rain
by myself

those thoughts are haunting me again
i may seem so strong sometimes
but they don't know how I'm feeling
because they don't bother
and I don't bother
and they're busy
and I make myself seem busy

I'm learning how to watch myself
protect my heart and mind from hurting again
keep it from opening up too much
and then being disappointed
by the fact that they will be ripped away
again...
they won't always be around, I warn myself
they will have a different best friend and move on
they will switch gears
while I'm stuck in neutral
in the rain