Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Unplanned

That's my life right now..or at least that's how I feel my life is at this moment in time. Yes, I have work, and church, and my family, and my friends, and a home. But...it all just feels unplanned. Now, if you know me, that's pretty hard to believe. I'm a "planner." I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, and please give me at least a week's notice. I keep my little assistant, in the form of an old-school 2-year planner, by my side at all times. I check it daily just to make sure I'm keeping up to scheduled plans.

Plans.

The rest of my life seems so unplanned. And it's a bit scary. I don't know what's going to happen with work next year. I don't know if God wants me here, or at work, or somewhere else. Everything's just one big question mark. Unplanned. I don't have a wedding to prepare for. I don't have children to look after. I may not have a fifth grade class next year. I don't know what I want to do this summer. I'm not sure what I'm going to do this winter.

Many people have been blogging about thier homes. Many friends are moving into thier first home or a new home. Many are still in the process of furnishing thier new home. They're excited. They're overjoyed. They're thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited for them and I thank God for blessing them with these beautiful homes, but...why do I feel STUCK. I feel trapped and locked down in this 30 year fixed loan. I praise God for giving me this great opportunity to invest in property, but I feel stuck...like someone nailed my wings down with the pen I used to sign my name on the title. 5 more years here? I can't imagine that! 5 more years? 30 more years? I feel the weight of the 5 bedroom house upon my shoulders. Mortgage payments, property taxes, home improvement projects...I'm getting dizzy. I thought I wanted out, but I feel even more housed in than ever.

Unplanned. This is something that is definitely unplanned in my book. I know God has a plan for this. In this I hope: God's plans for my life are far greater than those of my own. I need to be obedient to God through unplanned places and in His unplanned pace. Of course, I know God has it all planned out! Even through the barriers, like this house, and the twists and turns, God has a plan. God's plans are perfect. God has a plan. He knows what He's doing; I just have to trust Him. Instead of holding onto my planner, I must cling to God's Word. God wants me here for a reason. I may not see it today, tomorrow, or a year from now, but God has allowed situations to hinder my actions, to stop me from taking flight. I need to trust God and smile at what He has in store for me. One day my quesitons will be answered..but only according to God's perfect plan. I guess my life isn't so "unplanned" after all....

1 comment:

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